This funny feeling

I just finished watching the last episode of Nodame Cantabile. Which is rare for me because I tend to hold off watching final episodes as long as I can because I don't want those dramas to end. Until sometimes I forgot totally about the need to watch them altogether. And end up forgetting most of the storylines by the time I found the courage to watch those final episodes.

Anyway, I just finished watching the last episode of Nodame Cantabile and well, a funny feeling came over me. I can't quite explain it or why it happened. I just want to write about it. So, end of story.

Haha


I've been thinking about what I am going to do after I came back from the US. I don't wanna think bout it now actually, but I was forced to.

Honestly, I have no idea what I want to do. I have to complete my studies of coz because I still have one more year before I get my degree. But where? If you ask me that question right now, I will tell you that I dun really care.

As long as I get my degree. If possible, in the shortest time and with the lowest cost possible, so as not to burden my parents that much.

And then, what's next? The working world? That thought scares me the most. Everytime I think about the future, I imagine myself sitting in the office, watching the clock go by slowly, waiting for 5pm to come, whilst trying to prevent myself from catching hypothermia from the freezing office air con. Then I go back home, eat dinner, watch some dramas on tv, sleep early and then repeat the cycle all over again tmw. Until I retire.

Tat actually sounds like a description of my previous part-time job but is it tat different from all other office jobs?

Do I really have to live my life like this in order to survive in this world? Is this all life is about, making money, accumulating cars, houses and then making more children to continue the process?

If it is, then then.....humans should really make better use of their time..

A really touching friendship

The best thing in life..Everlasting friendship Amigos para sempres @ Yahoo! Video

Things I"ll Never Say

I wanted to believe that I can do it, but you told me that I can't. And I'm afraid I am starting to believe you.

I know you are worried and wanted me to stay, but I need to do this for myself, to see how far I can go.

I needed your support, but everytime I look at you, all I ever felt is guilt, for putting that frown on your face.

很想对自己说。。。

是时候了。
是时候放手了。
不要再回头看。

要勇敢往前走。
前面还有很长的路要你走的。。。

2 more weeks

Only 2 more weeks left before I fly to the US on 11th dec.

I'm pretty excited but at the same time a little bit scared too. What kind of people will I meet there? Will they accept such a tiny girl to be their employee? You know la...how huge those Americans can be...But I'm more excited than scared, that's for sure :) And I'm sure these scary feelings that I have are natural and will subside once I get there.

I haven't even started packing yet. I don't know where to begin. But I have started reading up on how to dress for winter and tips for staying overnight in airports. Yeah, I have to stay overnight in Singapore Changi airport not once but twice! But luckily, it is Changi airport that I am talking about, which has been touted as the best airport to spend the night in...what with the free movie theatre, free internet, free massage chairs, free...u get the idea...lucky me :-)..hehe

I loved airports btw, because in airports you can see all sorts of people from around the world. So, i think it won't be a problem for me. In just 2 days, I will have the opportunity to visit 5 airports! KLIA, Changi, Tokyo Narita, Chicago O'Hare and Roanoke...sigh. People usually complain about these things but not me.

Before I left Malaysia though, I will meet up with some of my friends first. Miss them so much. I already have several dates on the line. With 815 roomates, Chili and Jason, Xiao Qi from UPM and my secondary school friend Seow Pei. Guess I will be a bit busy starting next week.

Can't wait to see my first snow!

Memories inside my heart

The memories that I have inside my heart,
Sometimes they are beautiful,
Sometimes they are sad

People try to forget the bad ones,
While holding on to the good ones

But don't they realize?

That good memories hurt even more,

When you know that,
They will not come back

When you know that,
They will only just be,
The memories that you have inside your heart

All about my hair

I went out and straightened my hair yesterday. I had to because my hair was a mess. Hairs were flying out all over the place. It made me look like a lion if I didn't comb my hair.

Now my hair feels really soft and straight. Like those models' in shampoo commercials. But something doesn't feel right. I should have felt really happy and satisfied with my straight hair but I am not. Because now I look like...me....two years before. Like nothing have changed.

But that's not true of coz. I have changed. The Shirlene you may know 2 years ago is not the same person as the Shirlene today. Just ask any of my college friends. They will tell you how quiet I was during my college orientation day compared to the person that I am today. (Not that I have become very talkative today but I have improved :)). And I have changed in so many other invisible ways as well.

I'd like my hairstyle to reflect that. I want people to see that I am not the same girl that I was before.

T.T.....but sadly, I think I have to settle for this now, for convenience sake. And it seems that my hair is too stubborn to let it grow naturally....

haizz...what to do...

~815 memories~

Saying Goodbye

I am not used to saying goodbyes at all. I don't think anyone is.

These few days have been hard. Initially, I thought I will be ok with the idea...
This IS the moment that I have been longing for ever since I start studying....no more nerve-breaking exams, no more boring classes , no more staying up till 6am to rush never-ending assignments, no more pressures......finally.....free

But then the thought hit me.

Because it also means...

no more staying together with roomates,
no more waking up to Jun Jun, Yiyi, Mei Leng and Wan Jun's voices,
no more holding hands with Jun Jun,
no more late night yum cha at white light mamak,
no more going to Wednesday pasar malam in Nan Cen's car,
no more dinner with my second family,
no more performing arts classes....

I mean, how do you say goodbye to people you have been living, laughing and crying together with for 2 whole years? How do you say goodbye to people you feel so close with that they feel like your family when your real family is away? How do you say goodbye to new found friends who you have spent days and nights with working on the most memorable showcase of your life?
Friends that I would really like to get to know better but there's just not enough time...

How do you say goodbye to those who have made such an impact in your life only to learn that you might never see them again for the rest of your life?


I haven't figure that out yet. And I guess I never will.

T.T

Last night

Tonight is my last night in NEC...
I had a great time tonight...went out with my last 2 remaining roomates to eat dinner at McD...and then went window shopping at Giant and Metro Kajang.
It was the first time in ages that I felt this free...without anything to worry about at all.
I was holding hands with Jun Jun the whole time :-)..I am sure going to miss her a lot after this.
After that, I went out to yum cha with the Performing Arts gang. It was so fun being with them.
But it was unfortunate that this was the last time I am going to see all of them. I probably would not have the opportunity to go out for late night drinks again with a large group of friends after I left NEC :-(

Last night here have to be spent in darkness because of Operation Kill Bees. Tomorrow going to have porridge breakfast with my roomates. for the last time.

Let it be...

Sometimes I think too much...
Too much for my own good...
Too much that I become confused over what is reality and what is my own imagination...
I gotta rest my brain for awhile...
Oh, what a relief it will be...to not to worry about anything at all...to let things take care of themselves once in awhile....to just let it be..

Just let things be...

Starting off...

So, how am I going to start off my first post in my new blog?

I have no idea....
I don't intend to start it off this way at all...This blog is intended for my trip to the US...and I am still one month away from there. But I am just too free now...with nothing to do...
Actually, it's my exam week now and I should be studying. But it's too dark in my hostel room now to read my HR notes. And I couldn't play any flash games or watch any Youtube videos in this stupid Internet connection.
That's why I am here...typing out my thoughts while listening to music on my earphone..all the while praying that my roomates wouldn't notice what I am doing.
But, why am I so afraid of letting them know? They will find out anyway..after I announce the existence of this blog eventually.
But the thought of people seeing my thoughts all laid out in my blog still scares me. Now they will know what their quiet roomate had been thinking all along...all those 2 years of mystery..solved.
I wonder who is going to read this blog after I announced it. Most probably my family and my close friends. Maybe some strangers too. Maybe you.
I have been following several people's blogs for weeks now. One of them is my sister's . The others are complete strangers'. But I found their life to be so interesting that I checked their blogs religiously everyday (if I have the time to). I wonder if people are going to do the same for me.
;-) Wishful thinking...Will my life ever be that interesting? And my writing style...=.="...I just hope I didn't bore people.
The time now is 5.30pm. 5 more hours before I say goodbye to you. I hope I will feel better afterwards. God, I am so nervous.

I can think of so many things to write now. Guess I don't have the chance to express what I feel in real life. But it will all just be ramblings. So, I guess I will stop now.

When the time comes, I will announce this blog.
When the time comes, I will leave for the US.
When the time comes, I will have to leave you.
When the time comes, I will become stronger.
When the time comes, I will find what I am looking for.

All I can do now is wait for the time to come...