a puppy's woes

要謝謝愛

2010-03-23T03:29:00.001+08:00

要謝謝你。。。

chocolate wrapper

2010-02-07T05:18:00.001+08:00

During Valentine’s Day last year, my Korean friend Lee gave me a tiny chocolate with a pink wrapper. Inside the wrapper was a quote that I really like:

“Go where your heart takes you”

Looking back, my heart has taken me to places that I never imagine I will step foot on and to people that I will never otherwise meet, people who have then taken important places in my life. I guess I have always followed my heart.

But how far can your heart takes you? Does it has your best interests in mind?

There will be a time when you have to listen to the logic inside your brain rather than to the thumping sound of your heartbeat.

Yesterday night, I dreamt of a clinic in Japan with my name on it. It was a vet clinic. Maybe the doctor there had the same name as me. Still, seeing my name there made me happy. So, I asked my sister (who was in my dreams) to take a picture of it so that I can take it back to Malaysia. I have successfully fulfill my childhood dreams of becoming a veterinarian, even though it was just a dream.

Remember how we have always imagined how our lives are going to be like in the future? Sometimes, that image excites us. Sometimes it scares us. The image that I saw when I was 7 is vastly different from the image that I saw when I was 21.

But what I know is, my life at 23 now is very different from what I imagined it to be like 16 years ago or even 2 years ago. Life really is unpredictable.

So even if my future looks scary to me now, I can rest assured that it will be totally different from my imagination.

I wonder where will my heart takes me next.

Walking Behind

2009-12-16T03:15:00.001+08:00

She's running
And he's walking behind
He's trying
But he's last in her line
His love's dying but he keeps on trying he lives in fear with a love that's clear
(he's walking behind)
He's got love that he needs to give but she's afraid to let him in

CHORUS
To her world with no together
She can't see him in her picture
She wants love but her heart won't let her let him in
He's walking behind
He's walking behind

The phone's ringing
Is it her on the line?
Does he answer
Or is he wasting his time?
Her loves dying but she keeps on trying she lives in fear of a love that's clear
(She's walking behind)
She's got love that she needs to give but he's afraid to let her in

CHORUS
To his world with no together
He can't see her in his picture
He wants love but his heart won't let him let her in
She's walking behind
Yeah

They've got a love to give
But they're afraid to let it in
She's got a love to give
And he's got a love to give
So let em in
Yeah

In a world with no together
She can't see him in her picture
She wants love so let him in
To his world with no together
He can't see her in his picture
He wants love but his heart won't let him let her in
He's walking behind
She's walking behind

Am I running too fast?

Feelings

2009-12-16T02:37:00.001+08:00

...are something that you cannot control, that’s what they say.

But when you are feeling nothing at all, you tried every possible means to make yourself feel something. Even if it means hurting yourself.

It’s like using a hammer to knock on your broken leg hoping to feel some pain on your already numb leg.

The slightest feeling of pain will make you jump with joy.

Because it signals to you that your leg is still alive.

I wish my leg wasn’t broken too bad.

Magic day

2009-10-06T01:04:00.001+08:00

Is it true that the older you get, the less birthday presents you will receive every year?

If it is, when will it reach the point when you get nothing at all?

Birthdays seem to have less meaning as you get older, at least it seems so to me. It isn’t just about presents and celebrations. It’s about feeling that a special day has been created just for you. A day when you know that you have every right to feel special.

A magical day.

But it became more and more like an ordinary day, as time passed.

“It’s no big deal, I’m just going to pretend like it’s any other day,” you told yourself.

“See, nothing special happen after all. I was right to have no expectations at the beginning, so that I’m not going to feel disappointed when it ends.”

And so, another birthday passed.

“What does it feel like to be 23?”

“Hah…Am I that old already??!”

It seems like I have reached that point when I turned 23.

For my dear friend, Dwight

2009-08-29T04:15:00.001+08:00

“Every decisions could be our last decision in our life, knowing that any moment could be our last moment in this world.”

How true is that.

I’ve never imagined that I would have to witness the truth of this statement before my very own eyes.

He was his usual self that night. Hanging around us while we were making lemon sorbet. He used to joke about how good both of us would look together. I would just rolled my eyes quietly. How can a 6 foot tall man and a less than 5 foot tall girl look good together? He called me cutie on my first day of work and was one of my first few friends.

He always asked me to hang out with him after work, but I never did.

That night, he said he wanted to find Par, one of the Thailand girls, after work.

“I’ll knock on your door after this alright?”

Then he patted my head and said, “This girl never came out of her room”.

It was the first time he touched my head. It felt nice.

After we were done with the sorbet, he helped us carry trays from the back of the kitchen to the appetizer station, where we always worked.

Maybe he wanted to impress the Thailand girls, I thought. But without his help, it would be a difficult task for us 4 girls.

Soon, the dining room started to fill up and orders started to come in. We went back to work, us at the appetizer section, him at the dish-washing machine.

I never saw him after that.

May and I were asked to prepare the amuse-bouche, which was a small plate of one glob of cheese atop a slice of tomato (I never knew what is that), while Par and Joof were left to manage the orders at the appetizer station.

Usually, the guys would be handling the entree station because the trays there would be a lot heavier. But, at that moment, Ben and Ronnie were nowhere to be seen.

An order had been finished and it could not wait. The main chef then asked me to carry the entree to the main dining room. I went out of the kitchen with the tray, handed it to the server and headed back. It was all but 5 minutes. I was not prepared at all for the things I would see when I came back.

For some strange reasons, the sliding glass door to the kitchen was closed. I looked through the door into the kitchen, wondering which joker closed the door.

I could see some of the dish washers avoiding something, I thought it was some kind of insects or monsters. Ronnie came running out as fast as he could to the nearest exit. I’ve never seen him like that.

Then I heard it.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

~*~

My friend was killed that night. The garbage man had hid a gun inside his jacket and opened fire inside the kitchen, killing my friend and the chief dish-washer. Another target, who was younger than me, had avoided the bullet by a few inches. The police came, people wrapped themselves in towels to keep from the cold, and the whole scenario looked like something from a movie.

I only manage to cry when Chea Chea, my roommate who came with me from Malaysia, ran into the dining room looking for me. She was working as a banquet server downstairs.

It was a Saturday night. And it was our second last week in Hot Springs, before we officially end our work contract. The sound from the police helicopter hovering above us accompanied us to sleep that night.

~*~

I could never really say what that incident taught me. I’ve learned though, that when a Jamaican dies, on the days leading to his funeral, his Jamaican friends would pump up the music, dance and party every night until he had been laid to rest. It was their way of leading him onto the correct path to heaven, I guess.

And the funeral would be an event filled with music and singing.

My friend never kept his promise that night. He didn’t get to visit Par after work. His “after this” never came.

He never had a clue that that night would be his very last night here.

I was browsing some of the topics on LYN when a post caught my eyes. It was the same post where I got the quotations at the beginning of this article from. The forumer ended his post with this:

“ Think for a moment, if you are playing a Mario game and you have only one life left, what would you do? And imagine if you have 99 lives, what would you do then?”

counting down the days

2009-08-27T02:12:00.001+08:00

everything must come to an end, and the end is just another beginning.

to signify that you have moved on, you cut ties with the past.

you convinced yourself that you are ready to face the end and you are not going to look back.

you are different from who you used to be.

a new wardrobe.

a new haircut.

new shoes.

a new attitude.

a new you, to face a new beginning.

Google Earth

2009-07-24T02:28:00.001+08:00

Yesterday night, in front of my laptop, i suddenly had no idea what to do. i refreshed my hotmail a dozen times, but it wasn’t there. i had been waiting for over 48 hours.

i stared at the icons on my desktop, but nothing caught my interest. i clicked the start button and then point to all programs. then my mouse stopped at google earth.

i haven’t really explored it since i installed it. but yesterday night, i finally found a reason to.

i clicked around, moved the earth up and down, left and right. i went to the cities of busan, seoul, daegu, north korea, nagoya, kyoto, hokkaido. i visited temples, mountains, shrines, train stations, volcanoes, colourful flower fields, ports and imperial palace. i saw amazing views, clouds so close you can actually touch them, penguins under water, a snow-covered post office, and the misty sight of a volcano in the distance.

i finally know what Lee, my south korean friend’s hometown, busan, look like.

suddenly the world doesn’t look tat bleak and boring anymore.

in contrast, the world looked so beautiful and so mysterious to me yesterday nite.

i wonder if i will ever be able to see all those pretty sights with my own eyes.

i think i found a new reason to live.

i wonder where do people and animals go when they die…

i hope it’s somewhere beautiful.

logic

2009-07-06T01:33:00.001+08:00

i don’t want to be so logical

that for anything to be believable

they have to be explainable

because some things could only

be understood

by the heart

kotoba

2009-06-28T04:31:00.001+08:00

It was raining this afternoon. It felt really good. Normally, Saturday afternoons are hot and humid. The sun would shine really bright.

But today was different. It rained. And that made today a little bit more special than other Saturday afternoons.

I spent my rainy Saturday afternoon reading Haruki Murakami’s Firefly. It was one of the stories in his compilation of short stories called “Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman” that I bought over a year ago in Popular’s Book Fair.

Honestly, I don’t really understand most of the stories. I couldn’t get what he is trying to say. Every time I got to the end, I would be in a state of confusion. I would think to myself that there must be something more, that I have to look between the lines. But I don’t know where to look.

Then I started to think that maybe the end doesn’t matter, all that matters is the journey to the end.

Firefly is a story about a boy and a girl who doesn’t have much to say to each other. During their dates, they would walk together in silence and eat their meals without saying a word. It’s not because they like it that way, they just couldn’t find anything to talk about when they are together. Maybe they lack chemistry. They do want to say something, but the right words just elude them.

Like what I’m experiencing now.

I started out wanting to write about possibilities. But here I am writing 1000 words bout totally unrelated things. I knew what I wanted to say, but my mind just went blank when I stared at this blank space. I have the words in my mind, but I just can’t seem to type it out. It is frustrating.

I wish you can just get into my head to see the words for yourself.

That’s why I envy those that can seem to express what he is feeling so easily. So easily that I can almost feel what he is feeling too. Like he is talking about me, to me.

They are just words, but they are able to touch my heart, when nothing can.

Scars on me

2009-06-26T03:05:00.001+08:00

About a week ago, I fell down while I was walking my dog, Tommy. It was my fault, really, because I was a bit distracted that time. After some tail-yanking, growling and pain, I got up and continued the walk with bloody knees. Then I got home and put on some Hansaplast on top of the bruises.

They are still on my knees now, those plasters, only that they have morphed into no-brand ones, not so miraculously. I still felt pain now and then, especially when I woke up in the morning*ahem* afternoon. I try hard not to let water get into them when I bath.

The wounds have changed into ugly “shell –like” things. I was convinced that there will be scars on my knees from now on. Big,ugly, brownish ones.

But then, the scars started to come off when I poked at them. Big, ugly, brownish scars came off, revealing perfectly fine, untainted skin underneath.

~*~

Does it sound familiar to you? It is a bit like life, isn’t it…you fell down hard, complete with bruises, pain and scars. You thought that you will never recover, that you will be scarred for life.

But then, after some time, nature took off the scars you had, revealing beautiful skin underneath, even more beautiful than the one you had previously, only if you care to “poke” at them. If you never make an effort, you will never find out that those scars are actually shells that are there to protect your wounds, so that they will be able to recover in due time.

You have become a more beautiful person because of all the scars you once had.

That’s what I thought when I look at my scars just now.

p/s If you didn’t notice, I’ve changed the look of my blog!

Do you like it?

Renovation in progress

2009-06-16T01:08:00.001+08:00

Watch this space ;)

The funny thing about us

2009-06-10T23:11:00.001+08:00

“(Human beings’ funniest characteristic is) our contradictoriness. We are in such a hurry to grow up, and then we long for our lost childhood. We make ourselves ill earning money, and then spend all our money on getting well again. We think so much about the future that we neglect the present, and thus experience neither the present nor the future. We live as if we are never going to die, and die as if we never lived.”

An excerpt from Paulo Coelho’s Like the Flowing River.

Just wanna share this with everyone because it’s worth thinking about.

Tomodachis

2009-06-03T18:49:00.001+08:00

They say that friends are your greatest treasures. I am so glad I have you.

I love you, my friends :)

Soul Mates

2009-05-26T04:02:00.001+08:00

Do soulmates exist?

Are there really someone in this world that are meant to be just for you?

What about the theory that soulmates are a part of yourself that have been separated from you before you were born, and whom you spend your entire life searching for? What about it that makes you want to believe in it?

How about the Japanese tale which suggests that you are connected to your soulmate by an invisible red thread around your pinky finger?

How do you recognize him when you meet him?

What if you never bump into her for the rest of your lives?

What happens then?

Do soulmates exist?

Do you believe in them?

When the mood comes, the photos come

2009-05-22T03:35:00.002+08:00

I am bored…i am bored..i am bored…i am so bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Somebody please suggest something for me to do…aside from cleaning, washing, watching dramas or animes or movies, playing the sims, trying to beat the boss from FFX, staring into space, staring into my laptop or reading books…

I’ve tried those (albeit a little unwillingly for the cleaning and washing part)..but i’m still bored..

Here are some random pics from my Japan trip:

futons are incredibly comfortable after a long day walking

this is for u, sano V

beautiful sakura…

see, i told you i saw cats hugging..

like owner, like dogs

green tea ice cream, yum yum!

Credit: These photos are courtesy of my sis :)

[End]

You are my punch bag

2009-05-17T16:38:00.001+08:00

During my time in the US, I kept a diary so that I could write down all the things that I experienced there. My roommate Jia Jia had a diary too, and she wrote in it everyday without fail. But it was hard for me to follow her. I found it taxing to write down every little thing that happened during the day.

Funny, but my mood to write only came when I was lonely or sad or afraid or angry or (put down every negative emotions that humans ever had). In the end, my diary was choke full of negative feelings and experiences, with only a few positive ones. Maybe it was like a punch bag for me, an outlet of some sorts, my unfortunate little diary.

But it really helped me though. My bad feelings “go away” after I wrote them down.

Maybe that is why I don’t like to write down good feelings and positive memories. I was afraid that they will “go away” too.

My diary should have been the one named “a puppy’s woes”, not my blog :).

When I read back what I had wrote back then, I am glad that I had overcame those feelings now. I definitely grew stronger in the process. And I am glad that I have that process all written down in my unfortunate little punch bag.

Please help this little black puppy

2009-05-14T19:06:00.001+08:00

I am not sure if any of you have heard about the Pulau Ketam case. To cut the story short, the villagers of Pulau Ketam dumped 300 stray dogs into an uninhabitable small island filled with snakes and quicksand without any food or drinks. Many dogs have died. The surviving dogs have no choice but to resort to eating other dogs’ dead bodies. If nobody help them, they too will die. This is my first time appealing for help. Please help if you are able to. If you are not able to help directly, please pray for them too. Hope their suffering will end soon.

This is a video of the rescuers trying to rescue a dog (who is later to be named Mercy) who came out to eat the food they left there. But they failed to capture it until the next day.

It really breaks my heart to see how thin the dog is. I didn’t really feel the gravity of the situation until I saw this video. Now i see their suffering and i couldn’t stop crying..

About the music…

Quoted from http://www.mycen.com.my/rescue/updates.html

“Music Notes: Miserere Mei by Allegri (used here under license and with permission)
This is the very piece that young Mozart heard sung in the Cistene Chapel on his first visit to Italy and, because church music was never made available to the outside world by the Roman Catholic Church, Mozart memorized the entire composition. He only heard it once, and amazed everyone by writing it down, note for note, from his memory after the service. Miserere Mei, Deus is also translated as "Wretched me, Lord" and "Have Mercy On Me, Oh God"”

A Game of Tag

2009-05-13T15:40:00.001+08:00

Tagged by yiyi again…haha. This is different from the previous one (reader: did u even finish the previous 100 questions?) Me:errr….

1. Besides your lips, where is the favourite spot to get kissed? Wah…first question supposed to be warm-up first but this is…so not warm-up. Forehead?

2. How did you feel when you woke up this morning? Dizzy…no idea what was happening when Dad woke me up from my exciting dream to say it’s time for lunch

3. Who was the last person/people you took a photo with? Jason, inside the korean bbq restaurant

4. Would you consider yourself spoiled? Definitely not…haha

5. Will you ever donate blood? If i ever reach the minimum weight required, i might consider it…

6. Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex? Most of my best friends are of the opposite sex…guys are easier to deal with, i suppose..

7. Do you want someone to be dead? Yes, those really evil characters from TVB dramas who always frame the innocent ones..made my blood boil just watching them

8. What does your last text message says? Let me check…it was a “ 啊？”from orang utan..haha..

9. What are you thinking right now? I think my dog has ear infection..worried…dunno can send him to the vet or not…

10. Do you want someone to be with you right now? Erm…couldn’t think of anyone..i supposed not..i’m happy by myself

11. What was the time you went to bed last night? What’s up with the constant preoccupation with this kind of questions in tags like this….around 5 to 6 am i think

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now? Oh..this one? Hmm…some shopping mall in KL..couldn’t remember exactly

13. Is someone on your mind right now? Yes…the vet…can you come to my home right now?

14. Who was the last person(s) who text you? Orang utan…who asked me a very strange question..haha

I guess i need to choose 10 persons here…hmm..this is weird…and awkward..here goes

{Amanda, Kee Li, Jason, Snow T, yiyi, JunJun, Hongaun, Jovinho, Lee, Eddie my oppa} This does not mean i tagged u or anything, it’s just for the sake of answering…

15. Who is no.3 having a relationship with? I wish i know…haha

16. Is no.2 a male or a female? Kee Li, are u male or female ah? haha..of coz female le..

17. If no.4 and no.1 get together, would it be good? Could not even imagine that…one is my sister..the other one is like my sister…sisterly love?

18.What is no.10 studying about? Oppa? Becoming a chef..hehe

19. When was the last time you chatted with them? Lazy to list down one by one…

20. Is no.4 single? Nope..

21. Say something about no.2? My best friend in college, loves makeup, bikini, chattin in MSN and listening to music while working….lol…

22. What do you think about no.7 & no.8 being together? who is no.7 and no.8…opps…omg…LOL!!

23. Describe no.9 He is my “brother-in-law”…he wants me to go to Korea next year to marry his brother who is in the army..my first close Korean friend…aiming to be the world’s best chef…:)

24. What will you do if no.5 n no.7 fight? Sit back and watch?…haha…they don’t even know each other!

25. Do you like no.1? Do I like my own sister? Wat do you think?

[End]

Kiss the Rain

2009-05-10T22:48:00.001+08:00

I fell in love with this song the first time i heard it

On Learning

2009-05-05T01:15:00.001+08:00

Life sucks when you don’t have any purpose…hanging around everyday, wondering what are u going to do today, ending up doing the same thing as yesterday.

I thrive when u give me a purpose because then i know that i am not wasting my life away, one day at a time. That’s why i have taken up learning all by my own initiative. Learning Japanese, that is.

Back in school, I didn’t have much problems with grades simply because i love learning. Even though u won’t find me reading textbooks when there’s no exams (unlike my younger sis), i wouldn’t be too unhappy either when i need to study for exams. In fact, it gave me a certain kind of joy because it was like discovering something new about a subject, a language or the world.

Yes, sometimes i hated it, it was tiring, need to memorize so many things in so little time blablablaaa….but tat feeling of achievement that i got at the end of the day…satisfied me.

And I became a happy person.

Memories & Hope

2009-05-05T00:22:00.001+08:00

As long as we have memories, yesterday remains

As long as we have hope, tomorrow awaits

Such beautiful words…

100 Questions and Answers – Part 3

2009-05-04T20:20:00.001+08:00

I kind of regretted posting my tag here…because updating my blog with all those parts is not as fun as I thought..it became quite a chore…blame my lazy side..

The next part…

40. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Any store with cheap clothes, Walmart or MPH Bookstore! I will buy lots and lots of books that I never read.

41. What time is bed time?
Recently? 4 to 5 am.

42. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
Nope..i don't think i will qualify

43. How many tattoos do you have?
None. I like clean skin.

44. If you don't have any, would you think of getting one?
I don't think so.

45. What did you do for your last birthday?
Went out with roomates to celebrate in Pizza Hut. Before that, had a really funny stage rehearsal for my Performing Arts play....with wigs and stuff..wink wink Kenny.

46. Do you carry a donor card?
No...but i think people who do are cool.

47. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
My family la..who else

48. Is the glass half-empty or half-full?
Half-full!

49. What's the farthest away place that you have been?
USA. It didn't feel tattt far..

50. When's the last time you ate a home-grown tomatoes?
I don't eat tomato on its own. My family don't grow tomatoes either.

51. Have you ever won a trophy?
Nope :( I sucked at sports.

52. Are you a good cook?
Sometimes...i cooked for myself when I was in the US..although only simple meals

53. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
Never tried before..don't get to use the car that much :(

54. If you could meet any one person (from history or currently alive), who would it be?
My soulmate...haha

55. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to school?
Definitely. But I wished it looked nicer..

56. Do you touch-type?
You mean on the keyboard? Yes...getting better..

57. What's under your bed?
Dust, dust and more dust

58. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I think it can happen, but not to me.

59. Think fast, what do you like right now?
Erm....dramas?

100 Questions and Answers – Part 2

2009-05-01T05:06:00.001+08:00

As promised, here are the remaining questions…actually, i answered all of them in facebook ad…but since i promised, well…(reader: nobody is reading ur stupid questions so dont bother) well, reader..i’m a person who keeps her promises! i don’t care wat u say!

Here goes…

21. Do you like to dance?
Yeah...i used to dance during my high school..it was fun

22. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I am seriously considering this actually...

23. Does your name make any interesting anagrams?
Yes, it does! But it's in cantonese...figure it urself haha..but i will give u a hint -> use my full name

24. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
Wait, let me check. It's my dad calling to remind me to take back the clothes hanging outside coz it’s raining…

25. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
Some brochure from some colleges that i plan to go to.

26. Last time you swam in a pool?
Mark brought me and chea chea (Jia Jia) to the homestead's indoor pool at nite...and we swam away secretly..until a guard discovered us and kicked us out!

27. Type of music you like most?
Music that invokes some kind of feelings in me

28. Type of music you dislike most?
Annoying ones

29. Are you listening to music right now?
Nope

30. What colour is your bedroom carpet?
My bedroom doesn't have carpetss

31. If you could change something about your home, without worrying about expense or mess, what would you do?
I will turn my bedroom into one of those bilik contoh from magazines, add a room filled with only books, couch and piano and add a swimming pool in the garden!

32. What was the last thing you bought?
Central Pahang bus ticket from KL to Bentong =.=" Damn expensive too

33. Have you ever ridden on a motorbike?
Yes...but it was a long long time ago. i’m always having difficulties breathing when i’m in the back seat of someone driving fast…i can’t stand the wind slamming into my face

34. Would you go bungee-jumping or sky-diving?
I don't know...i don't even dare to ride genting's skyshot (is tat wat it is called?)

35. Do you have a garden?
Yes, in my house. But it's full of dog shit..haha

36. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem?
Of coz! Being singing it for over 13 years of my school life. Oh wait...i tried just now but i got stuck in the middle...aiks

37. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
"Oh, it's afternoon already? Time for lunch!"

38. If you could eat lunch with one famous person, who would it be?
Matsumoto Jun or Hideaki Takizawa. I wouldn't even touch my lunch coz I will be too busy staring at them..haha

39. Who sent the last text message you received?
Hotlink Gift

Note: If u see some differences between the answers here and the one in my facebook, it’s because i have updated them since i only posted it here now ^.^

Enjoy reading…..

100 Questions and Answers

2009-04-28T17:49:00.001+08:00

I saw this in yiyi’s facebook and thought that I’d try it for fun :-)

It’s gonna fill up the whole page.

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, and find line 4.

(I said a silent prayer that Marley)… had inherited his mother’s disposition. – from Marley & Me. I’m only at page 7.

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what can you touch?

NEC’s chinese booklet that i dun understand =.=”

3.Before you started this survey, what were you doing?

erm…reading yiyi’s notes in facebook….haha

4. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

TV is not really my thing now, even though i got astro…but the day b4 yesterday i watched “100 Greatest Songs from the 90s”. Nice…i missed 90s songs…

5. Without looking, guess what time is it

Easy…my bro just got back from work, so it must be 5.15pm now?

6. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

5.17pm…wooohoo..i’m good!

7. With the exception of computer, what can you hear?

The fan lo…which is a must these days!

8. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

Yesterday…i went back to Kajang to collect my offer letter and met up with friends and went to Mid Valley!

9. Did you dream last night?

I must have…but i don’t remember. Woke up at 2pm with a lot of sweat on my back..

10. Do you remember your dreams?

Sometimes…i tried really hard to if i know it’s a good dream.

11. When did you last laugh?

Yesterday…had a great time..

12. Do you remember why/at what?

Well, it was reli fun meeting up with Jason, ah Bu, Kenny..whom I haven’t seen in a long time...laughed at every other sentence..

13. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Let’s c…a few chinese proverbs scrolls, Jolin’s poster, Australia’s flag, a chinese bamboo drawing and a jigsaw puzzle of 2 kids kissing..hehe

14. Seen anything weird lately?

Yesterday i talk to a man who was sitting next to me in the bus. He worked in Bentong Prison and told me some weird things…like sexual harassments between male prisoners..

15. What do you think of this quiz?

It was fun…make me think of things i otherwise would not think of..

16. What is the last film you saw?

Film, not drama?…well, i couldn’t rmb if it’s Taiwan’s The Most Distant Course or Japan’s Romeo + Juliet..

17. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Japan, no doubt! i’m planning on it…now..1st thing i need to do is kidnap a Japanese man and force him to marry me..wahahaha

18. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

lots of things…but first i will sign up for Japan studies program in a Japan university…

19. Tell me something about you that most people don’t know.

Ok…i don’t eat fruits..but i guess most ppl know that. Erm, i don’t update my blog that much? (reader: everybody know tat laa)..okok…when i’m in the US, i only took showers once in 3 days and changed my clothes once a week…i bet nobody knew tat! (reader: disgusting!!!)

20. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I will make the world a better place to live for animals. There will be NO stray dogs or cats in the streets anywhere in the world and every dog and cat will have a loving home, be respected and treated with the love that they truly deserve. Everybody will love animals.

[Due to the extremely loonggg nature of this blog post, it will be divided into installments of 20 questions each (one installment/part per day). This way, i could have 5 days of fun!]

End of blog post.

Sunset in the sky

2009-04-25T16:45:00.001+08:00

..represents a sun’s goodbye

Life Lessons No#4132

2009-04-23T23:10:00.001+08:00

I have been trying hard for the last few hours to update my Nokia 6120 classic with a software called Nokia Software Updater. Why? Because I got nothing better to do.

I followed all the instructions carefully. Nothing left out.

They asked me to back up my phone contents first, so I did.

Download update files – finished. Then the update process started. The progress bar was moving and below that it says “estimated time left – 15 minutes”. So, I sit back in my chair happily and continue watching Nodame Cantabile Special Episode.

2 hours passed. Estimated time left – 15 minutes.

3 hours of Nodame Cantabile later (i had to wait for the thing to load!), Estimated time left – 15 minutes.

Was tempted to pull off the USB cable and start all over again but a sentence caught my eye.

DO NOT DISCONNECT YOUR PHONE DURING UPDATE PROCESS. DOING SO WILL CAUSE SEVERE DAMAGE TO YOUR PHONE AND IT MAY NOT WORK FOREVER AGAIN. YOU MAY NEED TO BEG YOUR DAD FOR A NEW PHONE.

Below that is another sentence:

DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE DURING THE UPDATING PROCESS (EVEN DURING EMERGENCIES). DOING SO WILL HAVE THE SAME EFFECT AS ABOVE.

Well, any English-literate person who love their phone enough will follow the instructions on the screen. So I waited obediently for a few hours more. And in the process, ignored someone’s sms and terminated a phone call from a friend I haven’t heard from in a vr long time. Sorry Ah Bu~

It’s almost 12am now. And I am still waiting. Even though my phone is seemingly working like normal, the fear that plugging the cables will reduce it to a useless phone is too big.

Searching the internet for any possible solutions, I found these. Stories upon horror stories of how interrupting the update process have ruined other people’s Nokia phones and their lives.

No good.

So I plan on waiting till my bedtime.

Half a day of unnecessary kan-cheongness and waiting, gone just like tat. Life is too short for this.

Moral of my story? DO NOT UPDATE your phone software if your phone is from Nokia. Save yourself some peace of mind. There are better things to do.

What’s next?

2009-04-22T23:36:00.001+08:00

I know it’s a bit late to say this now, but..I am back!

I reached Malaysia last Sunday (April 19) at about 8 am from Singapore airport.

Picture taken at Singapore Airport before we departed ;-(

But I only went out of the airport 2 hours later because I was helping my friend to report her damaged baggage. It took tat long because the girl working behind the counter was taking her own sweet time and was struggling with her English. That was when i realized i'm really back in Malaysia.

Everything was the same at home. Except for the addition of Astro, nothing much has changed. Which is a good thing actually.

And then I went back to my normal routine as well. Sleep. Wake up. Watch drama. Lunch. Drama. Dinner. Drama again. Sleep.

I feel bored. Life is without direction now. What do I do next?

I know what my dreams are but…..how do I reach them?

One bad thing about fulfilling your dreams is having nothing to look forward to next. But I am only 22. All I gotta do is believe that life will get better than it already has.

Which is not easy at all.

Signs of growing up

2009-04-04T13:22:00.003+08:00

I bought a new handbag today. My first ever handbag. I have never owned a handbag as far as I can remember. Handbags have always been too girly or womanly for me. I prefer backpacks, sling bags or just about any other bags except handbags.

Is this a sign that I have finally grown up? But I only wanted a handbag because I dun wan to be lugging a heavy backpack all around NY. And now when it is sitting on my hostel room bed, it kind of look pretty. I may kind of like it after all..ok, i admit..i love it ^.^

Sayounara daisuki na hito

2009-04-03T09:19:00.006+08:00

I miss Hot Springs.

I miss all the people that are still there now whom I never got the chance to say goodbye to.

I miss Eddie, Ki, Lee, Bianca, and May, Par and Joof (although they are in South Carolina now).

I miss you.

I wish they were here in New York with me now. Sigh...

Now I am just another face among the hundred thousands of Asians in Flushing, New York.

I will remember you

2009-04-02T03:14:00.003+08:00

This picture deserves another post in itself..lol. It's my favourite!

The End is Just Another Beginning

2009-04-02T00:56:00.012+08:00

3 months have come and gone just like that. The time had finally came for me to leave. I'm going to New York tomorrow! Wooohooo!

To say that I'm totally happy to be leaving here is a lie. It's sad to leave. But I can't say that I want to stay here forever either. It's not fun at all to be the last one to go when everyone else has already left.

The best doesn't come until the end it seems. My last week here has been nothing short of amazing! I went on a picture-taking spree, take part in a crazy (and hell embarassing) all Asian party and played pool for the first time!

And I found my twin soul...all in one week. Do you know how liberating it feels to let go of all your inhibitions and self-consciousness and just have fun, go with the flow? Very!

Unfortunately, most of the time, I just went back to my old, timid self...sigh. But I am trying.

Well, good luck to me. I'll post more when I get to New York (hopefully). If not, I'll see you when I get back to Malaysia. That's on April 19, 8.05 AM, KLIA Airport, International Arrivals. Don't forget that date! See you then!

Sightseeing with the President

2009-03-11T02:09:00.052+08:00

Once upon a time, not so long ago, we took an Amtrak train from Clifton Forge, VA to Washington DC which is 100x times more comfortable than airplanesUpon arrival, I was immediately greeted by the President himselfHe took us to the Dupont Circle Stationwhich has the steepest and most frightening escalators I have ever seen!to ride DC's world-class underground subway called the Metro (which is 100 x times better than New York's rat-infested, saliva-laden equivalent)First, we went to the National Mall, where i discovered that all those months of tray-lifting had done wonderful things to my arms! we walked beside a beautiful lake, where we could see the Jefferson Memorial from a distance

then we went to the Washington Monument, but gasp! the sky was getting dark and scary.... so, we took shelter by going to the top of the monument, where we enjoyed the view of the Washington skyline from above...
the White House was visible from here, and the President suddenly remembered that he forgot to feed his dog before he left the house!so, off we went to the White House....we went down the elevator of the monument and walked...and walked...and walked...and walked....gosh, how far is it? It could not have been that far...it didn't look taattt far when we were at the top of Washington Monument!

oh wait...there it is. I almost couldn't recognized it because the President wanted to go in from the back... but there's some sort of demonstration from people with black sacks over their faces..the President can make such bad decisions sometimesand that's not all, the President forgot his keys!! I thought we were going to be locked out but luckily, his hungry dog came and fetched him the keys..so, tat night before I go to sleep, I gave him a big kiss on his doggie face :)The next day, we went to the National Museum of Natural History on the National Mall, well where else, in the Nation's Capital of coz...we saw a huge elephant at the entrance, and some dinosaurs... and a few ancient people drawing a fat-looking horse on the wall of the museum..Next, we went to the National Air and Space Museum and boy...was it crowded...but nobody recognized the President in his disguise of coz..
we looked at various types of aeroplanes hanging from the ceiling.. and witnessed astronauts doing their thing...
We stopped by the National Gallery of Art, where we walked through a really cool-looking ceiling..and the National Portrait Gallery, because the President wanted to check out a new portrait of him there..
Finally, when night time falls, we walked to the Lincoln Memorial and paid homage to the statue of the 16th President of the US...the Memorial was one of the grandest places I have ever been too...it's so amazing...and magical..

fuwah wah wahhh yawnnn......after a long day of sightseeing, it's time to call it a day! We went back to the White House and had a good night sleep..

The best is yet to come, they say....

Mana tau, the next day, the President had his hands full chasing wild squirrels away in his garden so he asked us to walk back to the train station ourselves...

What to do...so we walked lo..

And it was not so bad, because there's a lot to see in DC just by walking..

We walked by some statues (there's lotss of these here)

and some castle...nothing unusual..haha..and at last we reached Union Station, where we took a train back to good ol' Hot Springs
but not before taking a group picture of us 4 young travellers!That's all. Hope you enjoy the story of our amazing Washington trip! hehe :-)

Note: The story above is purely fictional. No harm is done to the President in the making of this blog post. Any similarities to real persons, trips or experiences are unintentional. But one thing is for sure, the pictures are real! :-)

Angels in DC

2009-03-06T01:53:00.005+08:00

I found them through a website called the CouchSurfing project. We were going to DC for our Japan visa application and we needed a place to stay for at least 4 days, all 4 of us. They took us in.

She arrived on time to pick us up from the train station in her bright red car. Within 10 mins, we arrived at her home and were greeted by her husband and their 4 beautiful (and a little too excited) dogs.

Everything was prepared for us. Clean linens in the bathroom, freshly-made beds in the guestroom and home office. The big atlas book in their living room was turned to the page where Malaysia is.

The next morning, after a nice American breakfast, she drove us to the Japan Embassy. The application process was not as easy as we thought. All my friends gave up on the spot and changed their travel plans to HK. But I refused to give up without a fight. Not after all the things that I have done.

They let me use their printer and fax machine so that I can get the documents I need to apply again the next day.

The next morning, she cooked rice for us after learning on the internet that the typical Malaysian breakfast involves rice. It was delicious. She took pains not to have fruits or any fruits-related products on the dining room table because I don't eat fruits.

The rest of the week was like a dream.

They brought us to a Malaysian restaurant downtown called Malaysia Kopitiam and insisted that it was their treat. I saw for the first time what an open mic session looked like when they brought us to Busboys & Poets. We went to the Lincoln Memorial at night and I felt like I was inside a Hercules movie. I stood at the exact spot where Mathin Luther King Jr. made his "I Have A Dream" speech and where President Obama addressed all of USA and the world on his inauguration day.

It was truly magical, in every sense of the word.

They supplied us with maps, directions and a Lonely Planet book on Washington so that we can plan our trip. When it rained or when it was too cold at night to walk, all we have to do is make a phone call and they will be there to pick us up. It was the first time that I have ever felt so at home in the US.

Our train back to Hot Springs was on Friday morning. On that fateful day, we had a very wonderful breakfast. Probably because we spent too much time on breakfast, we were soon running late. She sped us to the train station and we arrived 3 minutes before the train was due to leave. After some quick hugs and kisses, we arrived at the gate just in time to see the train leaving the station.

We were devastated. We went to the nearby McDonalds and sit there for almost an hour, trying to figure out what to do. In our scared and confused minds then, the most comforting thing to do was to give them a call. That was what we did. She arrived promptly to pick us up after getting our voicemail. I was so happy and relieved to see her. They made dinner for us that night to comfort us. It was a nice candlelight dinner.

The next train was on Sunday. On that day, he made sure that we were ready to leave the house one hour before the train was due to leave even though their house were just a 5 mins drive from the station. We managed to get on the train this time.

It was not a happy occasion to be back. We knew that our bare "hotel-like" rooms could never conjure up the warm feelings that we felt while we were staying in their house. I even love the fact that my clothes still have dog furs all over them because they reminded me of Jessie, Cassie, Jaselle (is that how it's spelt?) and Mr. Maxi. I missed being woken up in the morning by Cassie or Maxi's big licks on my face. He told us that if we ever come back to Washington, we will always have a "place to stay". They were so so so nice.

I don't know how I could ever thank both of you enough, but I am going to say it anyway. Thank you very very much, Toni and Sam, for making our trip to DC one of the most memorable and wonderful trip of my life! :-)

Happy Belated Valentine's Day

2009-02-19T04:24:00.004+08:00

just felt like posting this picture that i found on the net...i dun have chance to do so on V-day itself because i was so damn tired from work. btw, we had 400+ guests that night, even more than christmas' eve and new year's eve!

and Happy Belated Birthday to Jiao Jiao, Nan Cen and Ah Bu!! Sorry, I didn't wish you guys earlier..

A friend said this to me a couple of weeks ago:

"The right person is hard to come by, but when he finally arrives, it's going to be brilliant! When that time comes, never ever let him go"

It stayed with me until today :)

But, why is he taking so long? :-(

Ordinary Miracle

2009-02-18T03:13:00.010+08:00

It's not that unusual
When everything is beautiful
The sky knows when it's time to snow
Don't need to teach a seed to grow

Life is like a gift, they say
Wrapped up for you everyday
Open up, and find a way
To give some of your own
.
Isn't it remarkable?
Like everytime a raindrop falls
It's just another
Ordinary miracle today

The birds in winter have their fling
And always make it home by spring

When you wake up everyday
please don't throw your dreams away,
hold them close to your heart
'cause we are all a part of the ordinary miracle

It seems so exceptional
That things work out after all

The sun comes out and shines so bright
And disappears again at night

Do you want to see a miracle...look at you at the mirror

It's just another ordinary miracle today

Ordinary Miracle by Sarah Mclachlan

So Ironic...

2009-02-13T05:25:00.004+08:00

A flow of events happened yesterday that ended up in something that's so ironic I have to write it down. Please don't mind my deteriorating english k. Come to think of it, that's ironic too. I'm in USA, an English-speaking nation, so my English should have improved right? Hmm..

Yesterday, I was at the Chamber of Commerce to go online. Then Lee, my Korean friend suddenly rushed in and whisked me away to the bank before i even have time to even say "brb" to my sister who i was chatting with. He mistakenly made a double charge of USD 200 to his check card when he was paying his internet bill. So, he needed my help to cancel the transaction at the bank.

But the bank asked us to call TDS, the internet provider. So, we went back to his room to call them. After waiting on the phone for 30 minutes, they asked us to go back to the bank to stop the transaction. Anyway, when I was in his room, he gave me a tealight candle and some matches as a gift. He even cooked dinner for me to thank me :)

After dinner, I went back to my room happy. It was raining very very heavily outside and the wind was making a very scary sound. Then it happened. Total blackout. Not even 5 minutes had passed after I went back to my room, the lights went out and it was pitch black everywhere. Then I suddenly remembered. I've got a candle, the one that Lee gave to me earlier! So, I ended up having light after all. Imagine what would have happened if Lee didn't give me that candle. I don't know how I would have survived through that night.

Did Lee actually know that there will be a blackout that night? Hmm..

Walking Behind You

2009-02-10T03:22:00.006+08:00

You know everything that I am afraid of

You do everything I wish I did

Everybody wants you, everybody loves you

And I'm just walking behind you...

A White World

2009-02-03T04:38:00.004+08:00

It is snowing very heavily now outside the Chamber of Commerce where I am going online. I love the snow....they looked so beautiful. I hope it is still snowing when I get back later because I want to know what it feels like to walk in the snow. But I hope it won't be too cold.

Days are long here. Everyday I wake up wondering what to do for the rest of the day. It is easier when I have work but when I'm off, I end up having to spend all day in my room. I know I should make more friends :(

I love mornings better than nights. But it gets dark very very fast. By 5.30pm, the sun has already gone down. If I'm in Malaysia, that would be the usual time I take my naughty dogs out for walks. How different things are on different sides of the earth...

Happy Birthday Jason Yap Chee Keng!

2009-01-30T02:33:00.007+08:00

Don't say I didnt give anything to you....I took 2 hours to make this ok...See, u have so many good qualities...that's why I'm so happy to have you as my big sister!

Wish u had a great birthday this year! Cheer up...don't always be depressed...it's no good for your health, old man ;-)

Seeing Double Double

2009-01-25T02:45:00.004+08:00

and Triple!

Can you be that someone to me?

2009-01-24T03:09:00.005+08:00

Just now, i had a look at my friendster's horoscope for fun...and it turned out to be one of the most accurate horoscope i have ever seen! It was incredible...everything tat it says there is exactly what i'm experiencing right now.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sep 22)

The Bottom Line
Your healthy ambition has been feeling sickly lately, but it's back on track now.

In Detail
Your formerly healthy ambition has been feeling a bit sickly lately, but when you get a little taste of power today you will finally start to feel robust and capable once again. You can see where you want things to go, and with a little patience you will see a path to take to get there. Your sense of who you are is going to continue to grow slowly but steadily, and you are already starting to see the rewards of being more self assured in your social life.

Today must be my lucky day!

The truth is, since I've got so much free time here, I have a lot of time to think and to learn more about myself. But it was not easy. I found lots of bad things about myself that I wish I didn't have. Sometimes, I found myself hating my own reflection in the mirror. But on other days, I love it. It was frustating but I'm going to give it time. I'm going to get there eventually.

I miss my family and friends terribly. I still have 2 more months to go before I go back home to Malaysia. It feels very long. It's not that I'm not enjoying my time over here. I do, I love it here. But I miss having someone who understands me and whom I can feel totally comfortable with. Someone like my family. Someone like my college friends. I realised that that someone does not come by easily. That's why I feel so grateful to have them.

I do not have the privilege of having that someone here in the States. But I'm trying to get myself to be that someone to me. Hope you understand what I'm trying to say...haha..

Chinese new year is coming soon. This will be the first year that I will miss the new year. "You never know what you have until you lose it". I finally understand that saying now.

Hope you all have a very happy Chinese New Year!

My good day

2009-01-17T02:27:00.004+08:00

It's freezing cold here...but the funny thing is, the sun's still shining and there's just a little snow...i mean, there should be a whole lot blanket of snow if the temperature is -20 Celcius right? I just don't get the weather here...

Days are beginning to get better...I have reached a little milestone in my journey to become a better person...just getting a tad more comfortable in my own skin...i didn't know it can feel so good :-)

You know those days when you felt like good things could never really come your way...but you keep on holding on anyway...and then one day, suddenly u find that things are not so bad after all...i had that day yesterday :-)

I'm getting a bit better in skiing and i'm longing to get a pan so thatI can cook here...

Skiing

2009-01-14T03:13:00.009+08:00

Skiing is scary! Especially when it's your first time and you don't even know how to deal with those extra things that u have under your huge metal shoes but u followed those experienced people to the top anyway and there's nowhere to go but down, so down u went with those things called skis before u even got the chance to ask them how to stop those skis! It was the scariest thing that I have ever done in my life...ever...and I wanted to do it again!

Don't worry dad....I have learned how to stop..

Rode this wonderful machine to the top of the mountain....not exactly the top...more like the middle

Those slippery things under my shoes

Look what's under me! I think that's the snow-making machine

Up, up, up!

That's me....the bottom one!...haha...nola, they are snowboarders

I'm over here la

Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner

2009-01-08T02:21:00.009+08:00

I only had one meal a day when I first got here. It was more than enough. For only USD 3.50, i got one meat, one starch ( rice or beans ), two vegetables and a free drink (juices, hot chocolate, coffee, coke...etc). It is enough to last me the whole day. I got so full from that one meal I feel like puking.

But, just having a meal a day and then staying away from food for the whole day is a real test. I don't have tea and dinner to look forward to anymore. Aside from filling me up, food gives me pleasure. So, from today onwards, I will try my best to have breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday....but in smaller portions, of course.

I Love Walmart

2009-01-06T03:49:00.008+08:00

That's right. I love Walmart! There's a big Walmart store in Covington, Virginia, 30 minutes drive away from Hot Springs. I had already been there 2 times...the first time, a kind friend drove me there and the 2nd time by the company's shuttle. It costs me 5 bucks for one Walmart trip using the shuttle but it's completely worth it.

All the things there are so cheap, I tell you! Shirts and jackets for under 10 dollars...crackers, breads and snacks for 2 dollars...a whole bottle of giant St Ives moisturizer for 3 dollars...and a regular-sized toothpaste for 98 cents...I had such a great time shopping there! :)

Just seeing all those USD 1 dollar sign lifted my shopping spirit and keep me going on and on. Of course, all those 1 dollars eventually added to a lot of dollars..USD 69.97 to be exact (during my last shopping trip) :P

Most of the things I bought are food..because food seems to be my main source of comfort here. I know what u are thinking..."Oh oh...she's going to come back fatttt"...haha. I'm trying hard to control myself....really, i'm trying...well, not yet...but i will try....yeah.

And I bought my first boot in Walmart for 12 dollars! I have always wanted a boot...and now I have one! Eventhough it's 1/2 size too big...but it's ok.

Back to work, the crazy working week is finally over! This week I will only work for 2 nights and I have the other 5 days free...which means I will be lazing around my room watching movies and sleeping...and getting fatter? I hope not...

I'm thinking of getting internet access in my room...this way I can update my blog more often. I know my blog is probably gathering dust now...and most of my friends have probably lost interest in it. Haizz..

The office where I am getting free wireless access now will close soon...so, that's all for now. Ciao!

Crazy Christmas Week

2008-12-23T00:17:00.003+08:00

Olla!

Haha...That's hello in Spanish. One of the things that I get to learn here are new languages. Sometimes, it gets really boring when I'm on my job especially when there's not many guests. So, I spent my time talking to my colleagues, learning their languages, and staring into space. But mostly, i just stared into space. Haha

I just realised how much I miss Asian faces. That other day, I saw a Korean family in the hotel. That makes me feel...happy..and at home. Luckily, there are two South Koreans working as chefs in the same kitchen with me. And I like talking to them. They fed me well when I'm at work. I got to try some really nice expensive food for free. Hehe.

Next week is going to be Christmas week. What does that mean for me? Work, work and more work la. Have to work every night. I wished I can just take some days off and enjoy the weather and scenery from my room. And watch some animes. And blog.

I have to get to work later. Till next time, adios!

And to everyone who's reading this, Merry Christmas!!!

Hot Springs, Virginia, USA

2008-12-18T02:58:00.008+08:00

Sorry for the very very late update. If you are not my family member, you must have thought that I have gotten stranded somewhere in an island off the Pacific Ocean. Haha. But no, I'm in the USA already!

I still couldn't figure out how to get internet access in my room, so now I'm online-ing using the free Wifi service in town.

Today is Day 6 since I stepped my foot in America. I have gotten used to the weather here a bit...putting on jackets, gloves and scarves when we stepped outside and then pulling them off when we got inside...it's an automatic process...

The night when I first got here, it was snowing! Wow...but it's damn cold..especially in Chicago. I can see my own breath!

But it has not been snowing since then :(....and it even rained for the whole day yesterday! Who would have thought that it rained during winter...tat's y I didn't bring my umbrella here...and I'm regretting it now...

The town of Hot Springs is very beautiful. I like the process of walking from our housing to the hotel everyday. It's so peaceful and quiet here.

But there's nothing much to do here except playing golf, tennis and skiing. I haven't done any of that. Before we start our orientation on Monday, except for lunch, we just stayed inside our room watching movies. Talking bout our room, it feels like a hotel!

Orientation finished yesterday and we are going to start work today. Me and Ka Ka got the same job and today, we will work in the Main Dining Room.

There are a lot of Brazilians here and a few Argentinians and Africans who are new like us. They have been very nice to us. Americans are very nice and friendly too...but they are usually made up of older regular staffs.

They hold on strongly to Equal Employment Opportunity here, so even if they don't like us, they couldn't and wouldn't say it out loud. Haha.

And guess what, now I usually go to bed at 9pm at night (but yesterday, I slept at 6) and wake up around 5am in the morning! I'm very surprised too myself.

Sleepless in Singapore

2008-12-12T04:43:00.003+08:00

Changi airport is so big...u could get lost in here...but there are a lot of things to do...like played ps3, xbox 360, watched movies, mtvs...all for free...

But all I wanted to do is sleep...and that's the one thing that's difficult to do here...i have to learn to sleep with my guard on...with my hands on my luggage and backpack..

Tried xbox 360 just now..but there's nothing good to play..only Harry Potter..omg, i have only 2 minutes left on this pc

Going to catch my next flight to Tokyo at 7.20am later..

Empty Heart

2008-12-11T01:48:00.004+08:00

My last nite in Malaysia...i'm so busy packing that i dun even have time to think about it..

but now tat i have some time to breathe...i got a terrible headache...

but still...tonite is important...i'm so excited and yet i'm so scared...i think i'm still not fully aware yet that i will be gone tmw...tis time tmw, i'm going to be at Singapore...wow..

i didn't expect to receive all those well-wishing calls and smses from u guys...don't think u will remember..till tis day, i still cannot believe that i have so many frens tat care about me...thanks, you all^^

and i've been moving around a lot for the past week...met with xiao qi in mid valley, had KFC with seow pei, hanged out with my roomates in TS, and done a whole lot of things with kee li, jason & nan cen all over KL. and of coz, the vacation with my family in cameron. someday, i'll blog about them.

but...i still haven't heard from you..n wat does tat mean?...i guess i already knew..

if only u are here...becoz i wanted to hear from u so so bad...but it's all a dream, isn't it?

if only dreams come true...

i wanted to hold on to those memories but i have to live my life. and starting tmw, i'm going to explore it to the fullest.

so...goodbye, you.

keep smiling...偶尔想想我，好吗？

the time we spent together /

is like a beautiful dream /

but sooner or later /

we have to wake up /

to reality /

and when it's over /

all that's left /

to remind me of you /

is an empty heart

Why I am going to the US

2008-12-02T14:52:00.005+08:00

So many people have been asking me whether I'm going to the US to study...haha..so, I think I better explain it here.

No, I'm not going to the US to study. I am going to the US to work.

Actually, I'm joining a program called Work and Travel USA. It's a program for students from Malaysia, Singapore, Australia...actually from all over the world to go to the US to work for a maximum of 4 months and then use that money to travel within USA for a maximum of 1 month.

In Malaysia, it's organized by a company called Speedwing. You can find out more about it here.

So, I will be going there to work in a resort called The Homestead in Virginia.

It looks nice in the picture right? I hope it looks nicer in real life :)

People have mixed reactions whenever I tell them about my intentions. I won't get into how hard it is for me to convince my mom.

But if I didn't take tat risk now, when will I ever have this opportunity again?

No risk, no growth, betul?

This funny feeling

2008-11-30T23:48:00.004+08:00

I just finished watching the last episode of Nodame Cantabile. Which is rare for me because I tend to hold off watching final episodes as long as I can because I don't want those dramas to end. Until sometimes I forgot totally about the need to watch them altogether. And end up forgetting most of the storylines by the time I found the courage to watch those final episodes.

Anyway, I just finished watching the last episode of Nodame Cantabile and well, a funny feeling came over me. I can't quite explain it or why it happened. I just want to write about it. So, end of story.

Haha

I've been thinking about what I am going to do after I came back from the US. I don't wanna think bout it now actually, but I was forced to.

Honestly, I have no idea what I want to do. I have to complete my studies of coz because I still have one more year before I get my degree. But where? If you ask me that question right now, I will tell you that I dun really care.

As long as I get my degree. If possible, in the shortest time and with the lowest cost possible, so as not to burden my parents that much.

And then, what's next? The working world? That thought scares me the most. Everytime I think about the future, I imagine myself sitting in the office, watching the clock go by slowly, waiting for 5pm to come, whilst trying to prevent myself from catching hypothermia from the freezing office air con. Then I go back home, eat dinner, watch some dramas on tv, sleep early and then repeat the cycle all over again tmw. Until I retire.

Tat actually sounds like a description of my previous part-time job but is it tat different from all other office jobs?

Do I really have to live my life like this in order to survive in this world? Is this all life is about, making money, accumulating cars, houses and then making more children to continue the process?

If it is, then then.....humans should really make better use of their time..

A really touching friendship

2008-11-29T01:00:00.003+08:00

The best thing in life..Everlasting friendship Amigos para sempres @ Yahoo! Video

Things I"ll Never Say

2008-11-28T22:10:00.011+08:00

I wanted to believe that I can do it, but you told me that I can't. And I'm afraid I am starting to believe you.

I know you are worried and wanted me to stay, but I need to do this for myself, to see how far I can go.

I needed your support, but everytime I look at you, all I ever felt is guilt, for putting that frown on your face.

很想对自己说。。。

是时候了。
是时候放手了。
不要再回头看。

要勇敢往前走。
前面还有很长的路要你走的。。。

2 more weeks

2008-11-25T18:47:00.004+08:00

Only 2 more weeks left before I fly to the US on 11th dec.

I'm pretty excited but at the same time a little bit scared too. What kind of people will I meet there? Will they accept such a tiny girl to be their employee? You know la...how huge those Americans can be...But I'm more excited than scared, that's for sure :) And I'm sure these scary feelings that I have are natural and will subside once I get there.

I haven't even started packing yet. I don't know where to begin. But I have started reading up on how to dress for winter and tips for staying overnight in airports. Yeah, I have to stay overnight in Singapore Changi airport not once but twice! But luckily, it is Changi airport that I am talking about, which has been touted as the best airport to spend the night in...what with the free movie theatre, free internet, free massage chairs, free...u get the idea...lucky me :-)..hehe

I loved airports btw, because in airports you can see all sorts of people from around the world. So, i think it won't be a problem for me. In just 2 days, I will have the opportunity to visit 5 airports! KLIA, Changi, Tokyo Narita, Chicago O'Hare and Roanoke...sigh. People usually complain about these things but not me.

Before I left Malaysia though, I will meet up with some of my friends first. Miss them so much. I already have several dates on the line. With 815 roomates, Chili and Jason, Xiao Qi from UPM and my secondary school friend Seow Pei. Guess I will be a bit busy starting next week.

Can't wait to see my first snow!

Memories inside my heart

2008-11-23T01:47:00.013+08:00

The memories that I have inside my heart,
Sometimes they are beautiful,
Sometimes they are sad

People try to forget the bad ones,
While holding on to the good ones

But don't they realize?

That good memories hurt even more,

When you know that,
They will not come back

When you know that,
They will only just be,
The memories that you have inside your heart

All about my hair

2008-11-21T23:39:00.004+08:00

I went out and straightened my hair yesterday. I had to because my hair was a mess. Hairs were flying out all over the place. It made me look like a lion if I didn't comb my hair.

Now my hair feels really soft and straight. Like those models' in shampoo commercials. But something doesn't feel right. I should have felt really happy and satisfied with my straight hair but I am not. Because now I look like...me....two years before. Like nothing have changed.

But that's not true of coz. I have changed. The Shirlene you may know 2 years ago is not the same person as the Shirlene today. Just ask any of my college friends. They will tell you how quiet I was during my college orientation day compared to the person that I am today. (Not that I have become very talkative today but I have improved :)). And I have changed in so many other invisible ways as well.

I'd like my hairstyle to reflect that. I want people to see that I am not the same girl that I was before.

T.T.....but sadly, I think I have to settle for this now, for convenience sake. And it seems that my hair is too stubborn to let it grow naturally....

haizz...what to do...

~815 memories~

2008-11-19T16:55:00.002+08:00

Saying Goodbye

2008-11-18T15:36:00.005+08:00

I am not used to saying goodbyes at all. I don't think anyone is.

These few days have been hard. Initially, I thought I will be ok with the idea...
This IS the moment that I have been longing for ever since I start studying....no more nerve-breaking exams, no more boring classes , no more staying up till 6am to rush never-ending assignments, no more pressures......finally.....free

But then the thought hit me.

Because it also means...

no more staying together with roomates,
no more waking up to Jun Jun, Yiyi, Mei Leng and Wan Jun's voices,
no more holding hands with Jun Jun,
no more late night yum cha at white light mamak,
no more going to Wednesday pasar malam in Nan Cen's car,
no more dinner with my second family,
no more performing arts classes....

I mean, how do you say goodbye to people you have been living, laughing and crying together with for 2 whole years? How do you say goodbye to people you feel so close with that they feel like your family when your real family is away? How do you say goodbye to new found friends who you have spent days and nights with working on the most memorable showcase of your life?
Friends that I would really like to get to know better but there's just not enough time...

How do you say goodbye to those who have made such an impact in your life only to learn that you might never see them again for the rest of your life?

I haven't figure that out yet. And I guess I never will.

T.T

2008-11-17T00:56:00.003+08:00

Last night

2008-11-16T00:46:00.003+08:00

Tonight is my last night in NEC...
I had a great time tonight...went out with my last 2 remaining roomates to eat dinner at McD...and then went window shopping at Giant and Metro Kajang.
It was the first time in ages that I felt this free...without anything to worry about at all.
I was holding hands with Jun Jun the whole time :-)..I am sure going to miss her a lot after this.
After that, I went out to yum cha with the Performing Arts gang. It was so fun being with them.
But it was unfortunate that this was the last time I am going to see all of them. I probably would not have the opportunity to go out for late night drinks again with a large group of friends after I left NEC :-(

Last night here have to be spent in darkness because of Operation Kill Bees. Tomorrow going to have porridge breakfast with my roomates. for the last time.

Let it be...

2008-11-14T02:27:00.006+08:00

Sometimes I think too much...
Too much for my own good...
Too much that I become confused over what is reality and what is my own imagination...
I gotta rest my brain for awhile...
Oh, what a relief it will be...to not to worry about anything at all...to let things take care of themselves once in awhile....to just let it be..

Just let things be...

Starting off...

2008-11-12T17:01:00.000+08:00

So, how am I going to start off my first post in my new blog?

I have no idea....
I don't intend to start it off this way at all...This blog is intended for my trip to the US...and I am still one month away from there. But I am just too free now...with nothing to do...
Actually, it's my exam week now and I should be studying. But it's too dark in my hostel room now to read my HR notes. And I couldn't play any flash games or watch any Youtube videos in this stupid Internet connection.
That's why I am here...typing out my thoughts while listening to music on my earphone..all the while praying that my roomates wouldn't notice what I am doing.
But, why am I so afraid of letting them know? They will find out anyway..after I announce the existence of this blog eventually.
But the thought of people seeing my thoughts all laid out in my blog still scares me. Now they will know what their quiet roomate had been thinking all along...all those 2 years of mystery..solved.
I wonder who is going to read this blog after I announced it. Most probably my family and my close friends. Maybe some strangers too. Maybe you.
I have been following several people's blogs for weeks now. One of them is my sister's . The others are complete strangers'. But I found their life to be so interesting that I checked their blogs religiously everyday (if I have the time to). I wonder if people are going to do the same for me.
;-) Wishful thinking...Will my life ever be that interesting? And my writing style...=.="...I just hope I didn't bore people.
The time now is 5.30pm. 5 more hours before I say goodbye to you. I hope I will feel better afterwards. God, I am so nervous.

I can think of so many things to write now. Guess I don't have the chance to express what I feel in real life. But it will all just be ramblings. So, I guess I will stop now.

When the time comes, I will announce this blog.
When the time comes, I will leave for the US.
When the time comes, I will have to leave you.
When the time comes, I will become stronger.
When the time comes, I will find what I am looking for.

All I can do now is wait for the time to come...